Its beginning to look a lot like no bathroom!

Hey!
Christmas. Christmas has always been immensely exciting for me, I absolutely adore Christmas...Or at least I did. This year, I struggled to find my Christmas cheer.
Stuck in a house that didn't feel like home we were faced with the prospect of a strange Christmas with just the three of us.
I have never spent a Christmas day away from my mum, not once, in 28 years. In fact once I stayed over at a boyfriend's house on Christmas eve and I made my mum pick us up at about 8 in the morning so I didn't miss a second of Christmas...
It came as no surprise to me then, that I felt utterly unethused and quite miserable at the prospect of Christmas on our own. I spent the entire run up to the big day miserable and moody.
Everything seemed like too much effort and exactly the same time, nothing felt special enough.
I am a big organiser, we've hosted Christmas five years in a row and I loved every second. Even when I had a new born to breast feed, I still planned the menu and made sure every detail was taken care of! This year, with no personal income and no guests to impress I felt like I just couldn't be bothered with it all. It was horrible and what made it even harder was hearing the families on either side of us having a whale of a time!
In fact for the first year ever, I found myself looking forward to it being over. The feeling sickened me because I have never been a bah humbug person.
On December 28th, I snuggled on the sofa with some chocolate and a mulled wine. I finally felt cosy and relaxed and idealised something. Christmas, like everything else in our lives has to change. It's my job now to make it magical for our son but not only that; It's time to make new traditions!
From now on I will be celebrating Christmas throughout December, ensuring will fill out month with magic and wonder instead if obsessing over one singular day.
I may have had  shitty one this time but it has taught me what is important to me at Christmas.
Most importantly, Christmas is supposed to be fun and whilst it would be heart breaking to have lost that fizzy Christmas feeling of magic and wonder, It's so important to remember that It's Oscar's turn to experience that wonderful sherbetywarmth of glittering,Christmas excitement.
Maybe It's time to pass the baton on and allow him to have his turn at Christmas magic.

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