Mothers guilt

When I was pregnant I distinctly remember reading first an article in gurgle magazine and then a few blogs about mummy guilt. As I perused the articles I remember naively thinking that will never be me! These silly women who can't go out or buy a dress or get a massage etc. I won't be like that I thought as I stroked my huge belly.

I imagined loving the child I birthed but still a bing plenty of opportunities  to  be me and whizz off on regular date nights and mini breaks with the hubby.
Oh how the reality differs!
Now I actually am a mummy I am shockingly riddled with heartbreaking guilt all the time! I'm guilty about things that haven't even happened yet like going back to work and leaving my tiny human with various grandparents for 3 days! What if he cries and needs me!
I have been out out exactly 0 times in 6 months and cam count the times I have been away from my child for a few hours on one hand.
Mum guilt seems to be a special and specific type of guilt, accompanied by worry and fear it is fierce and consuming.
I don't know if dad's feel the same intense guilt, looking at the laid back manner in which my husband parents I am in lined to say they don't and I am slightly envious.

My mum guilt is the reason I can't  shower without singing nursery rhymes. The fear that my little Bubba will feel neglected and abandoned if forced to lie on a mat for a few minutes while mummy showers is intense!
This mum guilt seems ridiculous at times as I give in to it and carry my baby wrapped in his sling whilst pushing the now empty buggy and using it as a glorified shopping trolley or as I desperately try to create taste sensations in a mini blender whilst making up extra and ridiculous verses to old mac Donald (who incidentally now keeps elephants on his farm...)
At other times it is frustrating, the feeling that he NEEDS me so strong that I don't want to leave him even for an hour!
It's amazing what you can achieve one handed whilst a tiny human clings desperately  to  you.

It seems all those articles were true it's impossible not to feel that consuming mummy guilt and I sense it's a feeling that will be here for a while! It seems such a short time that he will NEED me in the scheme of things.

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