The parent voice

A moment of perspective, a reminder to think carefully about what we say to and discuss around our children particularly during this difficuilt time. Children are more perceptive than we often think and coupled with a lack of understanding and a vivid imagination this can stir up huge worries for children out of incredibly small things. Often we think we have explained something to a child and it is not until they repeated back to us or someone else that we realise how little we really said to them.
My experience working with primary aged children has taught me that the amount of things children misunderstand or blow out of proportion is considerably higher than their grown ups might suspect.
Working with children also showed me that adults are quick to dismiss feelings of anxiety, worry, depression, anger and fear in children. Often we as adults know that a situation would cause us anxiety or worry such as the current pandemic yet we might not even consider that children would also be feeling these very real feelings. Sometimes something we ourselves have told children, without particularly thinking about the consequences, can cause an awful lot of damage. Other times it may be something a child has overheard or accidentally seen which has the lasting impact.
With children there will very often be an indirect consequence to this too such as bed wetting or sudden behavioural changes or new fears.
It's just so important to choose our words carefully and to think about what we are doing and saying around our children. This is true always but so much now, when our own feelings and emotions are probably on a roller coaster already.

Teddy, Age 3

Something has changed.
Things change all the time I know that because before I used to do my poos in my nappy and now I use the big toilet.
Nanny says it's because I are a big boy.
Mummy says its because I are clever.
Daddy says at least we don't have to deal with stinky nappies now.
Good change.
I also know things change because I goed to nursery, it was big and a bit scary when mummy said she had to leave me but after that bit it was fun and I got a biscuit and there were bikes and a computer and trains and lots of other todgers just like I are.
Mummy says I go there every week now on the days that are named Tuesday and Wednesday. Those are my best and worst days because I get to go to Nursery for a long long long time but Mummy leaves me behind there and thats sad sometimes but afterwards we run home very very fastly and have juice and a film and snuggles because we did miss each other.

Mummy said I goed to nursery this day every week now, but I don't think that's exactly right because I don't go to nursery. Not now.
I woke up on nursery day and asked mummy if it really actually was nursery day even though I knew it was because there were my clothes on the floor all laid out so it actually was nursery day.
But mummy said no, Nursery is closed, no nursery for a while.
That did make me very sad and daddy started some splaining but it was too much daddy noise so I said no.
Mummy had shiny eyes but she gave me big cuddles and said it was closed for Easter at the moment. That means the Easter bunny will come soon and we can have eggs and make pictures and maybe nana and grandad will come.
Then I remember....
But I did not do my Easter hat parade. I say this in a sad voice because it did make me sad about this.
Oh mummy says, Oh well that is because mummy and daddy have to make their Easter hats first.

I are sad about nursery but mummy says we can go to the park instead so I think maybe that will be nice.
-

I think things are changing again.
Mummy says we have to wash our hands a lot because of a virus. I'm not sure what a virus is but it sounds big and scary, like big scary germ monsters. I are hoping it doesn't come to my room when I are sleeping.
I don't like to wash my hands lots and lots and I don't like to get wet sleeves but daddy says we have to sing happy birthday even though it isn't anyone's birthday.
I sing happy birthday to mummy when I wash my hands because it is not my birthday and I don't think my hands have birthdays.
but I love mummy.
My hands are hurty from the washing but I don't want the virus to be on them because it might make old people sick.
Nana is old.
I dont want to make Nana sick.
Being not at nursery is sort of okay okay but I do miss the todgers like me and also the toys that are there.
But now when it is dinner time mummy does put on the tv, we don't watch tv at dinner time but now I are allowed to.
When I are eating my dinner and watching the tv mummy does hide in the kitchen watching a tv on her phone which is called news.
There lots of people do talk about grown up things which I don't understand.
Sometimes mummy does say oh my god a lot.

I did hear the tv on mummys phone say virus a lot so I think it did grow really big now. Daddy says its extra important to wash our hands now because the virus can be carried by children. I don't want to carry the virus even if it is in a very nice bag.
The tv in mummys phone did say dead a lot and killed.
I killed a bug once and it did not move again. Mummy said it can't wake up now.
The virus is making people dead.

I am very scared of the dark corner in my room because I think if the virus did want me to carry it then it would hide in that corner to wait until every body did go and then it would want me to carry it and maybe it would make nana not wake up because the virus is very big and also very bad to old people.
I hope nana does wash her hands even more than me and I hope mummy is washing hers and daddy and grandma and my nursery teacher.

There has been more changing.
I are not allowed to go to the park anymore. The virus does live there and it can spread. Peanut butter does spread on my toast and I think the virus does spread on the park like peanut butter. It did make the soft play close too. I are sad I cant go to the fun places now because of the virus. The virus must be very naughty to be spreading all over the fun places.

Mummy does check my temperature a lot now and I ask her are I sick? because if I are sick then that probably means the virus did make me carry it and it did go inside of me and make me sick. I don't want to be killed like the bug I did stand on.
Will the virus stand on me? I ask daddy but daddy tutts at me and he does say I am silly.
Mummy does say that daddy is very stressed now because of the virus.
He must wash his hands.
Mummy did stop watching the tv on her phone now because she did have a funny day where she was crying and told daddy she was dizzy and anxious. I did bring her my biscuit and a cup of tea from my kitchen. I hope the virus does not stand on mummy.
I am glad she did stop watching the tv on her phone because it did say died and dead and killed and virus lots and it made me think of the bug I did stand on and the virus in the dark corner and I did think I needed to wash my hands again.


I miss my nana and my nanny and grandad and also my teachers and friends.
I did hear a noise last night but I did not want to get out of the bed because I thinked there was a virus in the dark corner of my bedroom. I did wee in my pants today because I did not want to go to the toilet and have to wash my hands another time.
Daddy did get angry.
Mummy did get sad.
I don't like to sing happy birthday anymore.


I don't like changing anymore because I do think that changing is not always nice things anymore.
We are not allowed to leave our house now. Mummy did say that we are stay at home superheroes and she did try to get me to listen to a story lots but it was all about hand washes and virus and I dont want to know anything about it because it does make me very angry and I have to throw my trucks across the room and shout lots and that does make mummy sad because then she does hide in the kitchen and pour herself a grown ups drink and does ring nana and tell her she is scared and stressed.
I hope I did not make her scared.

Mummy did switch of the radio now because she did go oh not the bloody news again. Daddy says he is going to do all the shopping now. That does make me sad because I like to do shopping and I are not even allowed to help unpack the bags because mummy needs to clean the shopping before we do touch it. I think that I wont eat it if it has virus on it.
 I did like sitting in the trolley.
Mummy did shout at daddy for not cleaning the post from the postman. I did like the postman but I think he maybe was carrying the virus in his bag and that it will step on him like I stepped on bug and then he will not wake up again after coughing and getting very too hot temperatures on the thermometer. 

I did like being at home but I think that being at home lots and lots is a bit boring. daddy is here now almost all the days, I still ask mummy if it is nursery today but she still did say no. I wanted to go to swimming with daddy but daddy did get cross and he did say all the pools are closed and the park and the nursery and the museums and the soft play so we can not go anywhere sept into the garden. He did say I are lucky we have a garden.

I did want mummy and daddy to play with me today but they did need to do some portant forms, daddy says if he does not do the forms then we do not have money which does mean no eating and no nice things. I don't want to not do eating because then I will be hungry and my tummy will hurt.

I are very cross today. daddy did say I did wake up on the wrong side of the bed but i are not sure what he did mean. There is a wall next to my bed.
 I are still very cross because I just really want to go to the park, daddy did get very very cross at me then and he did shout.
He did say; do you want to get sick? do you want to get the virus and spread to everyone and make everone sick and get sick too and d-
I did think he was maybe going to say dead because virus makes things dead but mummy did shout at him instead.
I don't want to get sick and I don't want virus to stand on me so I are not going to ask about things now.
I are just going to lie on floor and watch tv.
I don't want to go to outside front door because virus is there and when nursery does open again I will not go.

I did watch tv with dinner again, mummy did say there was no rice for rice and peas because people are idiots and buyed all the food and then she did hide in the kitchen again and she did speak on the phone for a long time about shopping and she did say stupid people and toilet papers and scary a lot so I think she is scared of virus too or maybe toilet paper.

Daddy did say he thinks we will not be allowed to go anywhere soon and he did say our walk was stressful. I did want to go to stroke all the doggys we did see but they did all cross over the road.
We did wave to a lady with a nice dog but from far away so we did not spread the virus.
But I are not ill.
Daddy did shout at me; STAY AWAY when I did run towards a man and lady with a baby. It did jump me and I did want to cry but instead the baby did a wave.
But everybody hurried quickly past.
I got sad when we did get home because I wanted to stay outside but we had to go in but I did try to run towards where I know the park is and daddy did shouting and mummy did crying on the stairs when she thinked I was not seeing.
Are I sick I asked after we did wash our hands very well.
Mummy did say no but I don't understand why people did walk away from us then.
I don't want to go out for walking again.
I don't want people to cross the road.
Maybe I do carry the virus.
I do not want mummy to be squished like the bug.
I is very scared of the big virus.